validation: maneuvering freelance

By 2016, I had done enough business to to say I can do photography full time and without the safety net of an actual job. The move to Atlanta was the validation I needed to know that I can really do this. That same validation took a toll on me the moment the work I thought was stable disappeared. For years, a yearly job with the SEC acted like a checkpoint. It was fun, gave me creative freedom and it was reliable. I planned around it. I counted on it. Then one year it simply didn’t come back. I knew it was coming though. No explanation but none was needed. That was the first reminder that in freelance, consistency is often temporary, even when it feels earned.

Around the same time that was coming to an end, a production company positioned itself as a long-term ally. They spoke the language of growth. They asked about direction, future projects, next steps. Had a little run of projects (that I will share later) that were helpful to me growing as a photographer/director. They encouraged me to finally put together a reel that represented my full range so they could pitch me for future projects. I gave them everything I had. Years of footage. Projects I cared about. Work that carried real weight. Once the reel was finished, the energy changed. Less check-ins and slower responses to calls/emails. Eventually, communication stopped altogether. There was no critique of the work. Just absence. That’s when doubt sets in. You start questioning decisions; not because you lacked confidence before, but because confidence needs some kind of response (money) to survive. But you sit with the question, “damn, am I not good enough?”

I have a million stories of maneuvering through freelance dealing with shiesty “business owners” treating their workers like shit or companies refusing to pay after the job is done. smh After some self reflection, I realized my validation didn’t need any standing ovations for my work, I wanted to be rewarded with honesty and good business. But to still be in the game this long to talk about it is a blessing. I thought I wanted to quit photography but I love it too much. My job moving forward is to not let people or bad business steal my joy for this craft.